Funny Link Friday and Overheard at UNC

Yes, it’s that time of week again. Here are our favorite “Overheard at UNC” lines for the week followed by some delightful distractions.

Ram Market employee to friend:
“Well, I like a soft man, but he has to have a thug side too. And he just don’t have that.”

Overheard in Craige:
Girl #1: They’re organic apples?!?
Girl #2: Yeah, they are!
Girl #1: You mean they grow on, like, organic trees?!
Girl #2: Yeah..

Group of guys walking past RHRC:
“So then, did your mom have to jack you off?”

Two guys walking in the quad:
Guy 1: Yeah, I was like, “Oh my God, Marlon Brando, like stop being so amazing’
Guy 2: I know, it’s like, “Holy shit, Marlon Brando!”

Passing a date auction in the pit:
“His turn-offs include sandals, mohawks, and morals.”

Oblivious girl talking loudly on her cell phone outside Morrison:
“Well, yeah, I’m thinking about seeing a second gynecologist because the stuff I’m taking is supposed to reduce my symptoms but I think it’s really just making them worse.”

Girl whispering feverishly on phone in Everett dorm:
“I am NOT pregnant, what have you been telling people??”

Old lady on the phone working in the back of Student Stores:
“You’re really gonna turn down an orgy? I’ve never known you to turn down an orgy…”

Overheard at a bus stop:
3 girls are reading the DTH. One girl takes a look at the front cover and says, “Oh look! Ron’s going to make the Daily Tar Hole again!”

Funny Links:

1)
Hilarious, right? Check out other senseless images at www.explainthisimage.com. The most popular ones are hysterical.

2) You know, judging by some of the “Overheards at UNC,” we thought this site could come in handy for certain students: www.bedposted.com. Just read the description on the front page…the concept cracked us up.

3) The poor, poor dog!

4) Check out this great dancer–he might inspire some of your own moves this weekend at a rave or two.

5) Stealth cat…

6) We guess you’ve already seen this, but if you haven’t, check out “I’m On A Boat,” by the makers of “Jizz in my Pants.“

Enjoy! And for those of you looking for something fun to do on Sunday night, a great pianist and singer named Ben Kweller is coming to Cat’s Cradle. He has toured with Ben Folds and Ben Lee, so if you like that style of music, you will definitely dig this show.

DTH Editor Threatens Legal Action Against Us…But Assuage That Shock With the Platform Cartoon from Yesterday

DTH Editor-in-Chief Allison Nichols left an angry voicemail and emailed one of our main writers last night–while we were out getting hammered like normal college students–threatening legal action against the Daily Tar Hole for writing she called “defamatory” and “libelous.” Ironically, only one week ago, Ms. Nichols called the same writer and asked for the Daily Tar Hole to “promote the Daily Tar Heel” and requested a biweekly column on Fridays from us. Worry not, readers: we’re not sellouts. We’re just intrigued to see what happens when a person who is not in the news-editorial sequence at the J-School edits the student newspaper… It does, of course, lead to publications like this one. Stay tuned for our article about how many editors, assistant editors and columnists have left the Daily Tar Heel under Ms. Nichols’ leadership. After all, unlike the Daily Tar Heel, we’re all about full disclosure.

And check out this cartoon a reader submitted to us:

Free tickets, of course.

The Daily Tar Heel Uses “Edited for Space” as Excuse to Mess with Students

Editor’s Note: We previously said that the Daily Tar Heel called the KDs who objected to their editing “bitches” in the notes from their daily meeting. In actuality, that was in a critique of the day’s paper by DTH General Manager Kevin Schwartz. That e-mail, which was sent over the Daily Tar Heel listserv, said: “I can’t believe how ungrateful those KD b**ches are.” Nice, DTH.

Junior John Mundell sent a follow-up letter to the Daily Tar Heel today, which attempted to apologize for and clarify his Hatorade-drenched comments from yesterday, as they received an unsurprising amount of backlash. He said that the DTH edited his letter in such a way that it conveyed a more harsh and insulting message than he intended.

Depite Mundell’s apology, we read the “full” version of the letter he sent and it remained offensive and tactless. While we appreciate your few days of “homelessness” you experienced while abroad in Bolivia, we still fail to see why your article had to juxtapose the issue of homelessness with ill children and why you used such offensive phrases throughout your letter.

However, we give you this: you made a good point about editing at the Daily Tar Heel. While your letter remained harsh, we agree it would have been softer if the Daily Tar Heel kept your thoughts in the paragraph you intended, retained the headline you gave it and printed the less sensational parts.

While we appreciate that the DTH needs to “edit for space,” we’re a little stunned at how bad of a job they can do.

We were made aware of a recent flare-up between Kappa Delta and the Daily Tar Heel editorial board, when the newspaper reported poorly about the sorority’s annual Shamrock’n’Run 5K. (Shocking, since everyone knows how fondly the DTH feels towards Greeks. Speaking of which, we find it totally ironic that DTH hangout Linda’s is physically as far as you could possibly get from Pantana Bob’s.)

The newspaper reported in a photo and corresponding caption that about 300 people attended the event, when in actuality, it was more than 700. A group of KDs wrote a Letter to the Editor in response, which read: “There were more than 300 runners; there were 756 participants in our event.”

In print the next day, the letter, which was “edited for space” read, “There were more than 300 runners.” Edited for space…or self-protection from a crappy reporting job? Sources tell us that when a group of KDs went to the DTH office, demanding to know why their letter was edited for space in the middle of a sentence, it pissed off management enough that an email to the staff referred to the girls as “bitches”. (Cue War’s “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”)

So listen, Mundell: you’re not alone in your gripes with the editorial board’s crappy editing—just alone in hating the kids. We hope the editorial board can contain their need for sensational journalism and their irrational biases against various groups on campus when they edit Letters to the Editor in the future.

We do recognize, however, that if the DTH was fair, unbiased, respectable and professional, our own Web site would become obsolete…but we’re willing to make that sacrifice for the sake of journalism.

Who the Hell Picks on Sick Children?: Junior John Mundell Joins Tim Nichols as People NOT For the Kids

It’s hard to really shock us, to the point that our jaws drop and our eyes widen in horror. The last time was probably when we saw Anoop lose out on American Idol to that toolface, Michael Sarver. But junior John Mundell beat even that with his revolting Wednesday Letter to the Editor of the DTH, as he bashed Dance Marathon for um, helping sick children.

Displaying a soul akin to Coach K’s or Voldemort’s (one and the same), Mundell wrote: “I’m thrilled that Dance Marathon is finally done because I’m sick (almost as much as one of the actual sick children) of hearing, “Do it for the kids!””

He followed this sensitive remark by complaining that the money raised from Dance Marathon should instead go towards helping the homeless: “While 1,828 people joyfully danced for 24 hours straight, shouting that same perturbed phrase from before, hundreds of thousands of people nationwide are homeless on any given night…Why are we still giving to one of the richest hospitals in the country and not to those who are unemployed, homeless and without the health insurance to walk through those hospital doors? It’s more plausible to help them instead.”

A few questions: what shitty research made Mundell think homeless people can’t walk through the doors of a public hospital for treatment? Which social justice course did he take to formulate the conclusion that “helping children” and “helping the homeless” are two mutually exclusive goals? What the hell is the connection between the two? AND WHO DOESN’T SEE THE VALUE IN HELPING SICK KIDS?

On the topic of plausibility, we suggest Mundell create a 24-hour dance event to support his goal of aiding the poor. We’re sure a lot of homeless people would love to come in, eat food and be warm during the event. Plus, if it’s at all as successful as Dance Marathon in terms of attendance and fund-raising, he might make an actual difference, instead of just publicly bashing the efforts of his peers to aid sick children and their families. (Ah, just writing the last part of that sentence…it continues to amaze.)

In one of the more thought-provoking lines in his article, Mundell writes sarcastically: “I guess “homeless” just doesn’t compare to “sick kid.” ” It was after this line that we at the Daily Tar Hole looked at each other and solemnly stated, “What an incredible bag of douche.” It’s clear from this letter that Mundell, and everyone he has ever known, had miserable childhoods full of good health, fun toys, beach houses, no scoliosis, no heart conditions and no cancer. And we’re sure Mundell’s nearly poetic way with words will cause many to rally behind him.

For the readers still with us, here’s a treat…we’ve saved the best for last. A Google search of “John Mundell” and “UNC” revealed that Mundell is a Teaching Fellow, and an essay by him was once featured in the Teaching Fellows’ seasonal publication, The Ram Report.

Mundell wrote as a first-year: “…I am tutoring kindergarten at Fayetteville Street Lab School: an elementary school on the south side of Durham. Let me tell you, going from droopy, lethargic seniors to hyperactive five-year olds who get excited about tracing with crayons is quite the leap. But each of these wee munchkins have touched my heart in their own distinctive way. From speaking to Hispanic students in their native language, to reading these children a simple book, seeing their faces of delight as I walk through that door makes me feel important, loved and appreciated “

We don’t know what happened between then and now to turn Mundell into such a child-hater, and we’re not sure if we want to know. But listen, John: for someone who wants to become a teacher, we suggest you start developing some compassion “for the kids,” since you’ll probably be interacting with more of them in the future than homeless people.

(Note to readers: We interviewed 2 Dance Marathon overall committee chairs who told us that the N.C. Children’s Hospital receives less than 10% of its funding from the state of North Carolina, and because of state budget cuts, this number decreases every year. The For the Kids Fund (DM money) keeps many families from being homeless due to their child’s medical expenses by helping to pay mortgages, electricity and so on. Money has also gone towards things like buying CD players for sick children to listen to during chemotherapy treatments, phone cards for patients who could not afford to call home as well as divisional grants for parts of the NC Children’s Hospital. Read more here.)

DTH Travel Columnist Provokes Indignance, Shame About Amurrican Culture

Controversy via passionate Letters to the Editor has developed in response to a column in last Wednesday’s Daily Tar Heel about the sorry state of American culture.

In the column, sophomore Caitlyn Greene describes her experience witnessing the biggest festival in Peru, replete with llama herders, tribal drums and 2,800 dancers donned in alpaca (for a national festival–can we please point out that 1,800 people registered for Dance Marathon, making it clear that UNC-Chapel Hill is more powerful and spirited than the nation of Peru.) As she reflected about the way people celebrated “being Peruvian,” she wrote in a manner reminiscent of Clarissa Explains it All: “We should all put down the Big Macs, turn off MTV, put together the most festive, symbolic costumes we can think of, dance through the streets and celebrate being the cultural hodgepodge that is the real United States of America.” What the fuck?

Three different Letters to the Editor have surfaced about this sentiment, because, well, it was pretty retarded. First, sophomore Chaney Adams defended American cultural values, in what we thought was a funny letter. Next, senior Andrew Crosson lamented over her comments, taking them at face value. And then today, junior Robert Paradis expressed his views in a manner we found as inspiring and absorbing as C-Span as he wrote, “In response to yesterday’s letter to the editor, American culture may not have been founded on materialism, but the principles of “original capitalist culture” still hold true for neoliberal deregulation. Global commodity chains integrate many cultures into a new but similar system of exchange. Consumerism and transnational corporations are the basis of our economy today.” Thanks for the cut-and-paste from your econ paper, Rob.

So, anyway, we have a few things to say about this whole thing and we’ll make it readable:

1) To Greene: take care to avoid the beaten path that so many before you have mistakenly traversed. No, not the Inca Trail. We’re talking about the arrogant mentality of faux-cultural awareness that first-time expatriates unwittingly embrace. You know, the one that leaves you entranced and intrigued by the otherworldliness of foreign folk and shamefaced about the great nation you came from? It’s the path that indulges you to believe that after a few months abroad you have a unique and invaluable lesson to teach those utterly backward folks you left behind. It doesn’t have to be that way!

2) When you describe your idea of donning costumes and prancing down the street with American pride, we’re afraid it is not all that original. Please see Wikipedia entries on Halloween, Memorial Day, Beating Duke and/or July 4th to refresh your memory.

3) To Paradis: please elaborate on your usages of consumerism and transnational. We are a bit more familiar with global commodity chains, as we heard Lil Wayne got one after Tha Carter III went double platinum. I guess we’ve been too busy playing XBox 360 (brought to you by the good people at Microsoft), drinking Busch Light (a member of the Anheuser-Busch family of beers), and checking Facebook on our iPhones (thank you Mark Zuckerman, Steve Jobs and Apple) to pay attention to the deterioration of global public sentiment toward the United States over the past 8 to 100 years.

4) We are a culture with our own traditions and ways of doing things that are uniquely American. The very fact that we are a country of immigrants is reason for the independent celebrations that honor and perpetuate the traditions of our forefathers. To “celebrate them together under the umbrella of American pride” would detract from the individuality and relevance of each. Americans cannot emulate other cultures nor can we expect other cultures to emulate that which we prize most in our own.

5) Who cares what people from other countries think of when they think of America? They’re not Americans. Their opinions aren’t as important as ours. As Kenny Powers of the new HBO series Eastbound & Down so eloquently put it: “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe. But the truth is I’m not – I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.” Be a patriot, kiddos. Ignore the criticism and enjoy the status quo. That’s what George Washington would have wanted.

6) In a game of “Would You Rather,” question being: “Would you rather live in America or Peru?” we are fairly certain what at least 90% of the answers would be. Including responses from Peruvians.

An Epic Twist On An Annual Event: Hungover at Dance Marathon

2/23, Monday, 7:04 p.m.: We would just like to point out that the DTH’s coverage of Dance Marathon paled in comparison to ours, which is strange considering the newspaper’s resources. The unreadable font on the front page and bare-bones photo essay on page 7 were disconcerting, considering the Dance Marathon organizers had a press release available on their Web site less than an hour after the event ended, with information students would have liked to read. If the DTH spent less time writing about itself in honor of its birthday, we wonder if an event that raised $394,278.94 during the past year might have received more coverage.Maybe tomorrow?

(Scroll to bottom of article for first post.)
8:15 p.m.: Final Post

Done. Amazed. Dance Marathon announced right before 7 p.m. tonight that the organization raised $394,278.94 during the past year to benefit the children and families of North Carolina Children’s Hospital. This is a $70,000 increase from last year. The organization’s 11 year fund-raising total now surpasses $2 million. We celebrated until I essentially booked it out of Fetzer to home, where I took the most incredible shower of my life and will now sleep for 12 glorious hours.

Two lessons. 1) Dance Marathon synthesizes the best qualities of this campus and captures the crux of what Carolina means. Sign up to dance at least once while you attend school here. At the very least, volunteer or morale.
2) If we can stand for 24 hours despite our initial handicap, well…consider the possibilities and take it as inspiration. Not to toot our own horn but…toot toot.

4 p.m.: Post #3

The hours between Post #2 and this post have been filled with passion, excitement, barely bearable pain, misery and deeply longing looks cast at chairs. We’re watching the game standing right now (possibly the most uncomfortable position in which to watch a game) and our legs are killing us. Or are we killing our legs? Either way, various performances by the Clef Hangers, Achordants, Backbeat, the Loreleis, and more have kept us entertained during the past few hours (that includes conversations like: “Guys like the Clefs would never be this popular in high school for being standouts in chorus”), in addition to the loopy, sleep-deprived ramblings uttered by our fellow dancers.

Examples: “I just wish more than anything, that I could dance like a black girl. Isn’t that what every white girl wishes?” and “This Red Bull makes me feel so good I should just bathe my feet in it.” Another favorite: “If you look at the bricks for a really long time, they stop looking like bricks,”…to which her friend replied, “Yeah, I see what you mean!” And nearly everyone has been discussing both mutiny and the wild out-of-body experiences they are all facing, since this entire Marathon is incredibly unnatural…but totally awesome, on account of the kids.

The previously hungover among us underwent a game-changing moment at about 9 a.m. when free Red Bulls were distributed to the red-eyed dancer. No pain, no gain. We’re almost there…

9:30 a.m.: Post #2

We at the Marathon are leading a paradoxical existence: how can it be so late, yet so early at the same time? Since our last update, highlights have included watching the sun rise on a romantic group outing of 1600 in Kenan Stadium, a puzzlingly hot homoerotic dance performance by Diversions (watching the video is a must) and a raging rave which took place at about 7 a.m.

While this is all good and fun, we at the Daily Tar Hole have been intrigued by the substance abuse some dancers are turning to in their effort to keep standing until 7 p.m. tonight. Dip, Adderall, cigarettes and IVs of Red Bull have found a deeply interested black market at the Marathon, which can only thrive as we near the end. In addition, an anonymous report warns of the odor of marijuana wafting from administrative areas. We find the link plausible, as we leave shortly to participate in “group yoga.”

While everyone's tired, no one will sleep after witnessing this.

1:22 a.m.: Post #1

Baby pool orgy. No, actually soothing tired feet in the most therapeautic substance of all: packing peanuts.

Welcome, readers, to your glimpse inside Dance Marathon at Fetzer Gymnasium. DM began at 7 p.m. Friday night and will end at 7 p.m. Saturday night. We are about 6 hours (only 25%) into the event and this place is hoppin’. Our regular wit may be dulled by the lack of sleep, particularly because your main writer went out hard as shit last night (fuck you, Top O) and is nursing this hangover by standing for 24 hours, a marked change from the usual orange Gatorade, Aleve and curluponthecouch cure.

About 1500 dancers are here, slipping into a sleep-deprived delirium, and the dance moves are becoming more and more erratic, sweaty and strangely delightful.

A great Girl Talk-esque DJ, E-603, just played and we witnessed the men’s rowing and soccer teams engage in a dance-off, with strip tease overtones. Here are some pictures:

Sober rave to E-603. Seriously. No one is drunk. Or high. And we're all fucking tired.

Captain Planet: For the Kids. Note the red shirt...

Check out a live feed of the event at www.uncmarathon.org, while sitting…you lucky bastard.

Funny Link Friday and Overheard at UNC

It’s the weekend (starting now, at 2:56 a.m. Friday morning). One of our favorite sites is the Facebook group, “Overheard at UNC,” which deserves far more attention than it has received. Each Friday, the Daily Tar Hole plans to compile our favorites…email yours directly to dailytarhole@gmail.com. And scroll to the bottom for our favorite links these days.

Top of Lenior:
“…and I really just feel like the SBP Election turned into this weird power play, and Ron Bilbao is like some kind of Rasputin!”

The Pit Stop:
“God, this Peanut Butter Twix is so good. You know, I had been upset about not getting laid, but this really makes up for it.”

(Guy walking by talking on cell phone)
“So I didn’t know the douche’s last name…. but he randomly wrote in the middle of the paper that I like to fuck sheep.”

Cop on Franklin last night post-Duke game:
“I bet that’s not the only pole they’re climbing.”

Dude: “I think that was George Washington”
Other dude: “Nah man, I think he’s dead.”

In Ram’s Head
Random guy at a table to me and my friend: “Excuse me! Have you heard of the 2 for 1 special? 2 of you 1 of me….now ain’t that special!”

Girl 1: I followed Tyler Zeller into Lenoir today!
Girl 2: AHHH! What time and when??

Geology Professor:”A scallop’s eyes look like Paul Newman’s eyes. Those bright blue beautiful eyes.”

Funny Link Friday
If you’re at all like us, you can’t spend more than 2 to 3 hours in Davis or the UL without taking a study break on YouTube, fmylife.com or, ahem, this Web site (shameless, we know.) Here are some great distractions:

1) fmylife.com: You might have already seen this site, but if you haven’t, check it out immediately. People submit absurd situations which end in “Fuck my Life,” and we guarantee that at least one of them will elicit a laugh out of you.

2) I’m the motha-flippin’ Rhymenoceros: our favorite skit from the epic HBO show, Flight of the Conchords. If you don’t watch it, the one thing you need to do in 2009 is start.

3) Absolutely hysterical performance to Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer” caught on a basketball Jumbotron. Not sure this guy is aware that everyone is watching…

4) Hilarious STAT FAIL while reporting on the Duke rape scandal.

Stay tuned as we bring you live updates from UNC’s Dance Marathon. Speaking of which, if you like Girl Talk, hear another unbelievable mash-up artist named E-603 at 11 p.m. tonight in Fetzer. You can visit and listen even if you’re not dancing! (E-603 is giving his music away for free right now so get it while you can. Hear him on MySpace, too.)

Ten Bucks Says Student Congress Speaker Tim Nichols Won’t Be At Dance Marathon…’Cause It’s “For the Kids”! ZING!

The Daily Tar Heel reported today that Student Congress Speaker Tim Nichols is trying to get a re-vote on the child care services fee referendum on Tuesday, claiming that SBP J.J. Raynor sent out biased information about it in an e-mail the night before. He filed a complaint against her on Monday in the Student Supreme Court (yeah, we had no idea that existed, either!).

For those of you who have been hibernating (truth: it was windy today) or too busy participating in the drum circle on the Quad to grab a DTH, the $10 fee increase would provide free childcare for undergraduate and graduate students. Nichols, a potential baby-hater, argues that a link in the e-mail to the Student Government Web site contained “biased” information for two fateful hours.

Tim Nichols Wants to Zap The Child-Care Services Fee

However, although we at the Daily Tar Hole scanned the article carefully, we failed to find any mention of the anonymous one-sided e-mail a “concerned student” sent to every student listed on the campus directory on Election Day. The e-mail spammed inboxes across campus with its anti-child care services fee propaganda and although it’s speculative to associate this anonymous email with the most vocal advocate against the child care services fee on campus cough Nichols cough, we are forced to utilize our common sense.

Nichols claimed he got complaints from students about Raynor’s “biased e-mail” before he received it himself and that the damage was done after about two hours. What we think he’s really saying is this: “What the hell? Student Congress didn’t even want students to vote. And it didn’t go the way I wanted, even after we e-mailed every student on the directory. So, I’m going to fight this. Because you know what? I hate babies.” – hypothetical Nichols thought process.

We kind of hope Nichols gets pregnant Junior style (classic Arnold Schwarzenegger), which would undoubtedly increase his empathy, but more than that, we wish he would drop this and accept defeat.

Raynor stated yesterday she knew Nichols would sue her during her time as SBP. (Sounds like a delightful person to work with.) We’re glad you can get this out of your system, Nichols, and sorry you lost the election for Senior Class President. It does seem reminiscent of Bilbao…bitter, angry acts upon election loss…here’s some advice for free, boys: take a tip from our basketball team. Roy would never allow such graceless behavior and you know it!

Tim Nichols: Poetic Justice?

SBP Elections End, Campus Hopes Ron Bilbao Quotes Will Stop, Too

Ron Bilbao in a moment of reflection.

The Student Body President election results in favor of Jasmin Jones surprised students this morning, many of whom expected a landslide win in favor of Thomas Edwards. In fact, few seemed more surprised at the victory than DQ-ed candidate Ron Bilbao in the Daily Tar Heel’s front page article today:

“In multiple e-mails sent out to all students who voted in last week’s election, the [losing] quartet encouraged their original followers to vote for Jones the second time around. ‘Honest to God, I can’t believe that actually worked. I can’t believe we actually pulled it off,’ Bilbao said.

‘She took down the machine. She took down the Terminator. It’s the David versus Goliath.’”

Machine? Terminator? David versus Goliath? We thought Bilbao might be on crack, but believe it is more likely that he is just an asshole with a severe and debilitating condition which prevents him from creating effective metaphors. (In shorthand, some refer to this as “stupidity.”) We’re pretty sure–or at least, we hope–nobody but Bilbao viewed the race this way, and felt lesser for having seen his anti-Carolina Way thoughts in print.

For those who ponder the truth in Bilbao’s statements, here’s a picture of Edwards volunteering in Ghana this past summer:

God, what a great person

In conclusion, we feel it was shoddy journalism on behalf of the DTH to continue featuring quotes from Bilbao instead of the other losing candidates during the past few days, considering he was disqualified last Tuesday. Now that the election is over, we hope we can stop reading about this tool.

To lighten the mood, here’s our Link of the Day: The longer you look at it, the funnier it gets.

The Scoop on Anoop

Carolina's Clef crooner on American Idol

Anoop. The dulcet syllables roll gently off the tongue. In Hindi, it stems from the word anoopi, which means “euphonious”. In a moment of inexplicable clairvoyance back in 1986, the Desais bestowed the name unto their precious son, a legend in the making.

Okay, that was just for storytelling purposes. But the true etymology of the name is just as telling. Numerous Web sites said “Anoop” means incomparable, unique, the best, or a natural leader that others can aspire to. Namespedia.com, you read our minds! Anoop, although the Daily Tar Heel relegated you to page 5, we recognize news when we see it.

And thus, we at the Daily Tar Hole are pleased to announce the addition of a new weekly column: The Scoop on Anoop.

First up: “The Top 10 Reasons We Love Anoop”.
1. When we first heard you sing “I’ll Make Love To You”, we believed you.
2. Indians are so hot right now. Slumdog Millionaire, anyone?
3. You’re a Tar Heel! In addition to all the greatness that connotes, Dookies cringe at the mention of your alma mater.
4. Your thesis had something to do with barbeque.
5. You wrote a thesis.
6. You’ve stayed true to your frat-tastic roots and left your faux rocker gear at home.
7. Your intellect shines and makes all of us look brilliant by association.
8. You told Randy he could call you “Anoop Dog” and now he actually does. Not to mention Paula is clearly so hot for you.
9. Your parents are adorable.
10. You are man enough to sing Monica’s “Angel of Mine,” and make it sound so good that we envy the “angel” in question.

The bottom line: if “it’s all a little bit geeky”, Simon, hook us up with some geek any day.

Vote for Anoop on American Idol. If you’re hungry for more (totally normal), satiate that shit at the Clef Hanger’s YouTube channel or check out Anoop’s Tuesday night performance of “Angel of Mine.”